The Most Bitter Pill
by veiledndarkness
Summary: Jealously can make things far more complicated and it’s always a bitter pill to swallow. Warning: Slash
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Most Bitter Pill

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: R for repeated swearing and later sexy stuff

Summary: Jealously can make things far more complicated and it's always a bitter pill to swallow.

Warnings: major angst fest here people. I'm aiming for a happy ending but to get to that happy ending, you gotta slog through a lot of shit. This story will only be about 3 parts, but they are kinda long so I feel it works. The first one takes place roughly two years before the movie takes place. The next part will be right after her death when the brothers meet up again. The third will be after the revenge. And no I'm definitely not killing Jack cause he's been through far to much already. And I'm deeply in denial about his death.

The day that Jack brought home Bryan started off just like any regular day in the Mercer household. Angel was sneaking chunks of potato as fast as Evelyn was chopping them, Jerry was on the phone with his wife, giving her another reason why, yet again, he wouldn't be home for dinner till a bit later. He never missed one of Ma's roasts. Bobby was sitting in the living room, butt firmly planted in the couch, screaming obscenities at the hockey referee. Evelyn smiled as the noise level increased bit by bit. These were the sounds of home.

She dried her hands as she sent Angel out of the kitchen, telling him that it wasn't her fault that he had skipped lunch, and to wait for dinner to be ready. Angel left with the kitchen with a smirk. They both knew he'd be back to raid the kitchen as soon as she left the room. Even at his age, he still ate like a teenage boy going through a growth spurt.

She went into the laundry room to pull out the load of dry towels that still needed to be folded. She rolled her eyes and began to fold them. Clearly they would sit here for days before Bobby remembered that he had agreed to fold the laundry for her. She could hear him shouting and she found her mind wandering as she continued to fold. 'Jack should be here any moment' she thought to herself. 'And Bryan too', she smiled.

Jack had asked in his shy way if it was alright to bring home a 'friend' of his. Evelyn had laughed and said "Of course, Jack. I can't wait to meet the boy who's stolen your heart" Jack had flushed a dark crimson and made repeated denials about how close they were.

The truth was that Jack had fallen hard for Bryan, moments after meeting him for the first time. Bryan had been leaning against the brick wall of the corner store with some people that Jack knew from summer school, well back when he was still in school. Bryan had given Jack a lazy grin, and the moment they linked eyes, Jack was hooked. It hadn't taken that long for Bryan to realize why Jack gave him so many shy glances when he thought that he wasn't looking. Bryan had smiled inwardly and made his move.

Now, Jack was making his way through the front door, pushing the hastily discarded boots and shoes off to the side. Bryan followed a small smirk on his lips as he watched Jack nervously pull his jacket off. Jack gave Bryan a small grin, then a quick hug.

"Thanks for coming Bryan. Its well, kinda important. I want you to meet my ma-mother. And my brothers." He added quickly. Bryan smiled knowingly and nodded.

"Of course, Baby. You know I do anything for you. Or to you" he said as he dropped a kiss on Jack's lips.

Jack blushed. He hated being called Baby. It made him feel young and stupid. He ducked out of Bryan's arms and went into the kitchen, Bryan close behind.

"Ma?" he called out.

"In here, Jack. Folding the towels, cause somebody forgot. Again." She called from the small laundry room.

"Sorry, Ma" came the automatic reply from the living room.

Jack grinned. Bobby was home! He'd so been hoping that Bobby would be here to meet Bryan.

Angel watched Jack introduce Bryan to Evelyn with narrowed eyes. Something about that white boy rubbed him the wrong way. Angel always prided himself on his ability to sniff out the shit heads in the crowd. And by the smell of this guy, Angel had a pretty good feeling what this one was up to. He acknowledged Jack's intro to Bryan with a short nod of his head, ignoring the hurt look on Jack's face.

'Somebody needs to teach that boy not to show his emotions all the time. Being blank can save your life sometimes.' He thought, annoyed that Jack was so easy to read.

He didn't move when Bryan stuck his hand out and just grunted when Evelyn admonished him to remember his manners. He left the kitchen and made his way to the living room. Wait till Bobby got a load of this guy.

Jack stared at Evelyn pleading with her to help break up the awkward moment. She cleared her throat and then asked Jack to get Jerry off the phone while she set the table.

"Dinner's ready boys!" she called out.

Angel was first back in the kitchen of course, with Jerry trailing close behind. Jack walked in with hesitant steps. He suddenly felt like there was cotton in his mouth.

'Oh god, please let Bobby behave himself', he pleaded. The notion he'd had about bringing Bryan to meet his family didn't seem like such a good idea now. Jack sat down to the table across from Bryan, Jerry to his left, Angel on Bryan's right, Evelyn at the head, and Bobby across from her. Jack tapped a nervous beat with his left hand as Evelyn began passing out bowls of food.

Bryan gave him a smile, and his stomach did a little flip flop. Oh, that smile. Angel rolled his eyes and passed the rolls to Bobby. Jack's head shot up. Bobby! He'd forgotten that neither Bobby nor Jerry had been introduced to Bryan.

"Uh, Jerry, Bobby, this is Bryan." He said then held his breath.

Jerry mumbled a hello through a mouthful of mashed potato.

"Zip up your lips, Jeremiah. Were you raised in a barn?" Evelyn scolded him.

Jerry straightened up, swallowed his mouthful and turned to Bryan to greet him properly. Through this, Bobby had sat perfectly still, his fork halfway to his mouth. Did he just hear what he thought he'd heard? What the fuck? Jack glanced over at Bobby and froze. Oh lord, the look on his face. He prayed harder than he'd prayed when he was a young child. 'Please, please let him be civil to Bryan.'

Evelyn looked at the scared face of Jack and the blank look on Bobby's face and felt a streak of annoyance settle in her. Damn that boy, he was going to give Jack a heart attack one of these days. She cleared her throat then and spoke aloud.

"Bobby, I don't believe you've met Bryan. Bryan, this is Bobby, Jack's oldest brother. Bobby, this is Jack's friend Bryan. Jack invited him for dinner and so that he could meet us." She sat back a bit and watched for Bobby's reaction.

Bobby looked at Bryan for the first time and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight up. It was like all his sensors were going off at once.

'This fucker thinks he can mess with a Mercer huh? Not on my fuckin' watch' he thought furiously. There was no way that he would let this guy get any closer to his Jack. He gave his head a quick mental shake. Gotta stay in the right frame of mind.

"So you're the guy that Jack's been missing family stuff for huh?" Bobby asked, striving to keep his voice even.

Jack closed his eyes as he attempted to calm his breathing.

'I will not hyperventilate, I will not hyperventilate', he repeated over and over in his head.

"Yeah, name's Bryan. How are you man?" Bryan said with a small smirk tucked into the corner of his lip.

Bobby nearly snarled.

"I gotta say it's great to finally meet all of you. Jack's told me so much about you, that I feel like I know you guys" said Bryan.

"How sweet" Bobby said as he finally brought his fork up to his mouth. Jack winced.

Evelyn sighed and attempted to make small talk for awhile. It only partial worked as Bryan monopolized the entire conversation. The annoyance radiating off Angel was clear. Jerry seemed content as long as Bryan didn't try to catch his attention. Bobby alternated glares at Bryan with annoyed glances at Jack. Jack stared at his dinner plate and pushed his food around, not really eating anything. Evelyn watched Jack prod his food into little heaps before finally leaning closer to him.

"Are you not hungry Jackie?" she asked, her voice soft with concern.

He always lost his appetite whenever he was worried or scared. Jack shook his head and refused to meet her eyes. The dinner seemed to drag on and on for him until finally Jerry stood up, hugged Evelyn and said goodbye to everyone, apologizing for having to leave so soon. Angel was next, claiming he had to go meet Sofi. Bobby snorted at that, but this time Angel breezed by, thankful to be done with this night.

Evelyn dabbed at her lips with her napkin and suggested that Jack help her clear the dishes. Jack shot her a quick, indecipherable look, then stood up and started stacking the used plates.

"I think Jack and I will wash the dishes tonight. Why don't you two boys go watch the hockey game tonight" She said carefully, giving Bobby a meaningful look that plainly said 'Don't you dare start anything'.

Bobby nodded and stalked off back to the living room. Bryan strolled up behind Jack and circled his arms around his middle.

"I'll see you later ok, Baby?" Jack nodded and whispered "ok".

Bryan lifted Jack's chin. "Don't worry so much. He isn't gonna do anything Babe"

Jack gave him a doubtful look. 'Clearly, Bryan hadn't been listening when I told him a little bit about Bobby' he thought.

Jack turned to his mother and carried the dishes into the kitchen. He walked slowly, like he was walking to his death. They cleared the dishes from the dining room in silence. Jack could hear the commentators on the hockey program discussing a player while Bobby polished off the rest of the beer he'd been working on before dinner. He hoped Bryan would just be quiet. Bryan had a bad habit of just rambling on to fill the silence, and he knew that would irritate the hell out of Bobby.

Evelyn filled the sink and allowed Jack a moment or two to gather himself. He needed some quiet time that much was obvious. Of all the children that she'd ever been mother too, no matter how short a time, Jack was by far the quietest one. He'd retreated into himself often enough for Evelyn to know when to push and when to back off. Now she waited to see if Jack wanted to say anything. They washed the dishes in near silence with an occasional generic question from Evelyn.

Finally as they were drying the dishes, Jack faced her. "Ma, do you think it was a good idea for me to bring him here?"

Evelyn observed Jack's face and saw the desire for approval in his eyes. The child was still so easy to read. She smiled gently and nodded.

"He seems fine Jackie. He obviously cares about you. And that's all that matters in the end. But more importantly, how do you feel about Bryan?"

Jack studied the plate in his hands with sudden intensity.

"I…I like him. He's good to me and we have fun." He looked up and watched for Evelyn's reaction. She nodded her head.

"That's what a mother hopes for her children. No matter how old they are. And no matter how old you get Jackie, you'll always be my little boy"

Jack scowled at her. "I'm not a little boy Ma! I turned 19 three months ago. I'm a man now"

Evelyn struggled not to laugh as Jack said that. All that was missing was Jack stomping his foot in defiance. She grinned lightly.

"Of course you're not a little boy anymore age wise, but all my boys are dear to me"

Jack smiled back at her now and gave her a sudden fierce hug. As always, a few moments of speaking to Ma made a world of difference to him.

"Now go get your man and have a good time this evening." She said, with a laugh.

Jack started towards the living room when he heard the shouts start. With a fearful glance back at Evelyn, he all but ran into the room. She sighed, and turned back to the rest of the wet dishes.

'At some point, you have to let the boys work it out for themselves' she thought, nodding to herself. Although it helps to be standing nearby just in case.

As Jack ran into the living room, Bobby had pinned Bryan against the wall, with his fist pulled back, seconds away from punching the shit out of him. Jack lunged for Bobby in two steps.

"Bobby, for fuck's sake, put him down! What the fuck is the matter with you!" he shouted.

Bobby dropped Bryan and faced Jack, his eyes dark with fury. Bryan scrambled over behind Jack avoiding Bobby's eyes.

"We were just discussing some stuff is all Jackie. Nothin' to worry about." Bobby said finally.

Jack snorted. "Bullshit. I can't leave you guys alone for a fuckin' second can I? I knew I couldn't trust you Bobby! I knew you'd do this!"

Jack stared at Bobby waiting for an answer. Bobby swore, then faced Bryan. "You just better fuckin' remember what I told you boy"

Jack let out an angry cry and stormed out of the house, Bryan close on his heels. Evelyn waited for the slam of the front door before she went into the living room. Bobby was furiously changing channels without actually watching the programs. She stood in front of the television when he didn't look up at her. Finally he sighed. "What Ma?"

"Don't you what me, young man! You know how much Jack values your opinion and you went out of your way to be difficult and nasty to Bryan! I want you to apologize to Jack the first chance you get, do you hear me Bobby Mercer!" She said.

Bobby looked off to the side. He couldn't face her right now. He didn't want to deal with this right now. And that slimy bastard was out there with Jack. Damn it. He sighed.

"I'm sorry Ma. I didn't mean to blow up, I just…I…aw fuck…I gotta get out here!"

He stood up and made to leave the room.

"You remember what I said Bobby. You can't deny family, no matter how mad you are!" Evelyn said as he made his way out of the room. The slam of the door was her answer. She groaned and sat down heavily on the stuffed chair. These boys would drive her insane, she was sure of it.

Jack sat on the bench at the school yard kicking idly at the ground. He shook out a smoke and lit it with shaky hands. He still couldn't believe that in the span of a few hours, his life had changed so much. It had been so long ago that he had sort of forgotten what it was like to have no control over your life. Bobby's warning had frightened Bryan off like a scared cat.

Jack had stormed outside, his hands twitching with urge to punch something. He was rarely this upset with anyone, let alone Bobby. Bryan had stood off to the side, watching Jack pace. Jack had moved closer to Bryan, needing a hug or some reassuring words. Bryan had darted away from him as though he was on fire. Jack's eyes stung at his rejection.

"What's wrong Bryan? Was it Bobby? Just…just ignore him. He's weird like that" Jack said, searching for the right words.

Bryan snorted and took several steps back again. "I don't think so Jack. Look we had a good time right? And it's been fun but you know I don't think this is such a good idea. Uh, we're different people and we're going in different directions and…" Bryan trailed off, shrugging uselessly.

Jack shook his head; he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Look, if you wanna break this…this thing that we have off, no fuckin' problem. Just don't give me some fuckin' lame ass excuse. Get out of here! Spare me your excuses" Jack snapped angrily. With that he took off walking down the road.

Bryan swore under his breath and looked up suddenly as he saw Bobby's shadow in the window. "Shit"

He ran for his car, jerking the door open and speeding off in the opposite direction of Jack. Bobby stood on the front steps with his arms crossed.

'Fuckin' pussy. Ah, Jack's better off without the little piece of shit. Especially after our little conversation.' He gave a short bitter laugh then spat over the side of the railing.

'Now, if I were a little fairy, where would I go?' He smiled for the first time that night since dinner started.

Jack sat on the bench, remembering the first time that he met Bryan. He was lost in his memories until he felt the sting of the cigarette stub burning his fingers. Bobby walked up behind him, then sat down beside him. He pulled a smoke from his own coat pocket and lit it, inhaling slowly as he stared up at the sky. Jack flicked the remainder of his butt on the ground and waited for Bobby to say something. Finally Bobby tilted his head to him.

"You know it's easy to find you Jackie. You always head here."

Jack nodded in agreement. 'So we're skirting the issue are we?' he thought, surprised by the sarcasm in his inner voice. 'Fuck this dancing', he added mentally.

"Why are you here Bobby? You got what you wanted. Bryan's gone, he's not coming back" Jack said.

Bobby struggled with his emotions. 'Oh god how I want to tell him.' He sighed then and took another drag on his smoke.

"You didn't hear the whole thing Jackie. You didn't hear what that little fucker had to say." Jack smirked then, a look that made Bobby uncomfortable.

"I'm only trying to help you Jack. You need a guy like Bryan like you need another fuckin' hole in your head." He said.

Jack gave a quick bark of laughter that made Bobby's skin crawl.

'How badly have I fucked up this time?' He thought with a worried frown. "Uh Jack, listen, I know that you're mad right now, but…"

"But what, Bobby huh? Do you have any idea how much I liked him? He left me because of you! I was happy and you had to take it away. Why Bobby? What possible reason could you have to do this to me?" Jack said angrily as he stood up and started fidgeting with his pockets.

Bobby stared at the ground. He kept his lips shut tight.

Jack gave a growl of frustration. "Damn you, answer me!"

Bobby felt his anger rising. 'I will not yell at him' he thought, stamping down on his growing fury. He stood up and faced Jack. "I did what I had to do Jack! He didn't love you; he'll never love you the way you should be!"

Jack let out a cry of pain as he turned away from Bobby. 'Trust Bobby to find the sorest spot and jump all over it' he thought, the pain ripping through him.

Bobby watched Jack turn away from him, his heart heavy. 'You keep going and you'll push him too far Bobby Mercer' a voice that sounded suspiciously like his mother said in his mind.

He took a step forward and reached a hand out to Jack's arm. Jack whirled around and yanked his arm away. "Don't you fuckin' touch me Bobby! I can't talk to you right now. You have no right to tell me who I can be with. I choose who I want to be with, not you!"

Bobby felt his eyes burn. 'Fuck, this was not going the way I planned'. He rubbed a palm over his face in frustration.

"Goddammit, Jack, calm the fuck down! You're takin' this the wrong way."

Jack ripped his fingers through his hair. "And just how the fuck am I supposed to react Bobby? My own family doesn't want to see me happy with anyone. I finally found a guy who didn't mind how fucked up I was before. Someone who liked me just the way I was, not for what I could do for him."

Bobby winced. 'Zip your lips' he thought furiously.

Jack closed his eyes, then muttered to Bobby. "Just tell me the truth Bobby. Tell me why you chased him off".

Bobby stayed silent for a moment. "I wish I could Jackie" he said, his voice choked with emotion.

Jack opened his eyes, and stared Bobby in the face. His breathing stopped a moment, and time seemed frozen just then. Bobby didn't blink, didn't breathe, didn't move a muscle.

"I need a reason Bobby. You owe me that much." Jack said this with quiet anger.

Bobby closed his eyes now. Oh god, he was gonna say it, it was coming out of his lips before he could stop it. 'Please understand Jack' he prayed wildly. His mouth opened up helplessly and it poured out.

"I…I chased him off because I didn't want him to be with you. He wasn't right for you, and he wasn't gonna love you the way you need to be." He whispered.

Jack exploded.

"You already fuckin' said that! Tell me! Tell me now, fuckin' now! You owe me damn you Bobby, you are not my goddammed guardian, you are not my keeper, and I'm gonna do what I fuckin' well want to. I'll date who I want, fuck who I want, smoke what I want and you can chase off every single person who means something to me, but at least tell me why!" he screamed, practically radiating with anger, his hands shaking and his legs twitching.

Bobby gripped the bench with sweaty palms. 'No! Not like this', he pleaded with himself. 'I can't tell him like this'. Jack paced, still angrily muttering aloud. Bobby took a deep breath.

"I…I push them away cause I…" he trailed off.

"You what, Bobby" Jack said his voice laced with impatience.

"I love you" Bobby whispered.

Jack stared at him. Again, time stopped. Both stopped breathing. They locked eyes. Jack began to tremble all over. Bobby's hands shook with the effort it took not to just lean over and grab Jack. Bobby eyes burned again with unshed tears.

"What?" Jack whispered. Bobby hunched his shoulders. He couldn't believe he'd said it.

"I love you, Jackie. I…nobody else is ever gonna love you like I do Jack." He said.

Jack shook his head from side to side, backing away from Bobby slowly. "No, no no no you don't mean it" he whispered. His eyes began to dart back and forth. Bobby moved towards him and Jack gasped and backpedaled faster.

"Jack, please, come here. I'm not gonna hurt you sweetheart I swear" Bobby said, his voice rough with emotion.

Jack shook his head again. "I gotta go Bobby. I can't deal"

He let out a cry of anguish. "You can't just drop this on me Bobby! You…you…I …" he ran then, running blindly towards the street.

Bobby collapsed to the wood bench. He put his head in his hands and shuddered as he struggled not to cry.

"I love you Jackie. I always have" he said as his body shook with tremors.

He sat on the bench for hours, going over their conversation, analyzing it from every angle and torturing himself with the knowledge that once again he'd fucked up royally. By the time he got home, Jack was gone, along with his duffel bag and guitar. Evelyn had stared at him with sad and angry eyes. She knew, Bobby realized, without Jack saying a word, she'd known.

Bobby got drunk that night, so drunk he couldn't see straight. And in the morning he left too.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Most Bitter Pill pt2

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Jealously can make things far more complicated and it's always a bitter pill to swallow.

Warnings:

major angst fest here people. I'm aiming for a happy ending but to get to that happy ending, you gotta slog through a lot of shit. This story will only be about 3 parts, but they are kinda long so I feel it works. The first one takes place roughly two years before the movie takes place. The next part will be right after her death when the brothers meet up again. The third will be after the revenge. And no I'm definitely not killing Jack cause he's been through far too much already. And I'm deeply in denial about his death.

Bobby dropped the phone, his fingers numb. He stared at the wall in front of him as his brain struggled to process what he'd just heard. No, no it can't be true, his mind screamed. Ma's fine, there's just been a mix up that's all. Paperwork at the hospital got it all wrong. But that wasn't true, and as Bobby's legs gave out underneath him, he thought about the look on her face that horrid night two years.

The last time he'd seen her, she'd looked at him with such sadness and anger all rolled into one. He sat on the rickety chair nearest him, his mind jumping trains as the memory slammed into him. He snorted absently. Like his brain would let him forget. He might not have been able to forget, but he'd been getting better at ignoring it.

The shouting, the fear, and the shame of knowing that Jack had run from him, run from his confession. He'd driven Jack away, and out of a fierce sense of pride, he'd left too. Evelyn hadn't tried to stop him, she'd let him go, just like all the other times he'd cut loose.

He sat for the better part of an hour before finally reaching for the phone again and dialing Jerry's number. Jerry. Another family member he'd ignored for the past few years. Jerry and Angel. He wondered idly if Angel was still humping that little Latina bitch. His eyes felt dry and vacant and he feared then that he might not be able to cry anymore. Bobby pushed his emotions to the side and settled for the cold, hard, Bobby that most people would know him by nowadays. This expression kept the others out.

Jerry picked up after only two rings, like he'd been expecting Bobby's call. They talked only for a few moments before Jerry asked him point blank to come home. Bobby shot back a nasty response and finished by saying that of course he'd come back. Jerry had sounded angry, Bobby reflected later in the car as he drove down the mostly deserted highway. He feared going back. But even more, feared seeing Jack. He took his hands off the wheel long enough to light a smoke. 'I never backed down from nothin' before', he thought to himself. 'I'm sure as fuck not gonna back down from this' With that thought, he let his mind wander as he drove through the dark night.

Right about the time that Bobby was driving back home, Jack was slowly trying to compel himself to get up off the bed. He was shivering in the chill night air and his warmest sweater was at the far side of the room. 'Damn the landlord', he thought, his teeth clacking. Cheap bastard wouldn't dream of putting the heat on. Jack lay on the bed shivering until he heard the phone ring. At that moment, his breath caught. A sudden wave of knowledge hit him. This was one phone call he didn't wanna answer, he was sure of it.

The phone rang again and again, sounding shrill in the dead silence of the room. Finally it stopped as the crappy answering machine that he'd picked up for 2 bucks at the flea market kicked in. His voice saying "It's me, Jack. Leave a message". He grinned despite the feeling that he wasn't going to like the message.

The grin fell off his face as the voice started talking. "Jackie. It's Jerry. Listen, I know it's been a long time but you gotta come back." Jack scoffed at that.

'Sure, Jerry. Whatever you say man' he thought, kicking the sheets off his legs. Jerry's voice caught for a second. Jack cocked his head a bit at the sound.

"It's Ma. She…was killed last night" Jack whirled around to stare at the machine. A whimper escaped from his mouth as he shook his head in denial.

"I-we need you back here man, the funerals in two days. Sorry you had to hear this way little bro" With that Jerry hung up abruptly.

Jack stood frozen to the spot. No, oh God no! His eyes burned with tears. He suddenly felt much younger than he had in a long time. He stumbled over to his pile of clothes on the floor, randomly pulling stuff out. His hands shook as he tried to pull his pants on.

'Fuck!' he swore softly as the button fly wouldn't catch. He stopped yanking, and tried to take deep breaths, the way Evelyn had taught him to. 'Like Ma said' he gave a breathless giggle. The giggle came out choked and distorted. He grabbed his duffel bag and gathered handfuls of shirts, and pants. He stuffed them in and did a quick sweep of anything valuable he might need to take with him.

He looked over at the bed and saw the still sleeping body of the guy he'd been at the club with last night. He sneered in disgust as he realized his beer goggles must be stronger than he thought. He leaned over and gave the guy a not so gentle shove.

"Hey, get up man!" he said, a little bit louder than he needed to.

The guy rolled over blinking fuzzily up at Jack. "Hey Baby".

Jack grimaced. Again, with the fuckin' Baby name. "Don't call me that!" he snapped as he scooped up his various bracelets and belts on the chair by the bed.

"I gotta leave, so y'know, feel free to let yourself out."

The nameless stranger gave Jack a dirty look as he climbed off the bed, pulling his own clothes on quickly. As an afterthought, he reached into his pocket and produced a crumpled twenty. He threw it at Jack and watched it bounce off his chest.

He smirked and said "You're a lousy fuck anyway, Baby" then walked out the door laughing, right as Jack threw a glass cup at his back. He swore as the glass missed, then shattered to the floor.

"Fuckin' prick" he muttered angrily.

Jack finished packing in record time. He gave his apartment a quick glance over, and then shut the door. The last thing he wanted was to go back home. The whole idea made him queasy. He couldn't avoid Bobby forever.

Now he sat on the Greyhound bus, being pulled back to the last place he called home before running away again. He remembered the look on Ma's face as he'd come barreling through the front door. She'd been knitting on the couch, occasionally glancing at the television screen when he burst through the door gasping. She'd dropped her knitting and stood up. In a split second, she saw the hurt and confusion in his eyes and her heart dropped.

'Damn those boys. Both are far too stubborn for their own good.' As she'd slowly approached Jack, his movements reminded her of a scared animal, ready to jump.

"Jackie, what happened? Are you ok?" she whispered.

Jack raised his trembling head to face her. She gasped at the pain in his eyes. Jack was keening softly, almost under his breath. Whatever it was, it had been bad she decided. She took small, even steps towards him. Jack breathed out unsteadily as she brought her arms and stretched to reach his shoulders.

"Breathe Jackie, breathe. Slow down and breathe. That's right." She said nodding as she felt his racing heartbeat start to slow. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Jack shook his head miserably. He started to pace the floor, pulling on his sleeves with his thumbs. When Evelyn moved towards him again, he let out a small sob and ran for the stairs. She stood staring after him as he ran upstairs. She knew now that he was packing.

Within a few moments, Jack was back downstairs, duffel bag across his shoulder, guitar gripped in his hand. He grabbed Evelyn in a strong hug, and kissed her cheek.

"I'm sorry Ma." He muttered, and then headed out the door.

She walked to the screen door and watched him jog down the street. 'My poor little boy' she thought. Then she went to sit down and wait for Bobby to come home, knowing it wouldn't be too much longer.

Jack slowly drowsed off to sleep on the bus, clutching the silver chain that he always wore, except for when he was in the shower, around his neck. It was the chain that Bobby had gotten him when he'd turned 16. Bobby had never told him what the chain meant; just that he thought Jack might like it. Jack had hugged him for much longer than he usually hugged his brothers. Bobby had shivered and sighed when Jack whispered in his ear how much he liked the chain, and how he wouldn't take it off unless he had to. Jack had been thrilled and Bobby had stuck by his side all night long.

Now as he slept, his mouth crumpled a bit as his dreams got darker and the memories pulled him under.

Bobby felt like he was going to pass out at any moment, so he pulled over in the parking lot of a crappy motel. He parked at the far end and took a good look around. The place was pretty shitty, so Bobby felt fairly confident that no security guy was going to be knocking on his window come morning.

Jerry tossed and turned in his bed next to his wife. He couldn't get comfortable, not when all he could think about was how he could keep the peace around here now that Jack and Bobby were coming home.

Angel slept like a rock, his mind racing through his own dark dreams. All four brothers slept poorly that night.

Jerry dreamt of dark shadows yanking him back into the past, of his life before he met Camille. He thrashed in his sleep, covered in sweat as he dreamt of all the things that could happen to his family unless he fixed things fast. He awoke with a start, shaking all over. He watched her breathe and the sight of her breathing calmed him. He went to the girl's rooms and checked on both of them. He returned to his room and linked his fingers behind his head. He'd find a way, he always did.

Angel saw a mental image of his mother being killed every way possible. His mind wouldn't let him wake up. Each death was progressively more horrifying that the last. Silent tears seeped down his dark cheeks as he moved faster through the images.

Bobby twitched lightly every few minutes, groaning in his sleep. He kept replaying the last time he'd seen Ma's face which would then blur and reform as Jack's heartbroken face. In his dreams he'd reach out for Jack, and this time Jack wouldn't pull away like touching Bobby hurt him. This time, he'd turn into Bobby's arms and never let go.

Jack whimpered in his sleep as every bad moment of his life circled around him again, the voice laughing and mocking, the money tossed at him, the beatings, the hands, and the dirty feelings he had fought to leave behind. He saw Bobby's sad face leaning closer to him, then melting in thin strips when Jack reached out to touch him.

'Everything you touch turns to shit, Jack. You'd do well to remember that' the voice of his last foster parent before Evelyn repeated in his mind.

He awoke, shuddering as the unshed tears burned in his throat. "Oh God," he whispered into his sleeve. "How can I face him?"

As morning dawned, the boys all shared the same thought. Why did this happen?

Jerry left for the Mercer home long before the girls were up. He woke Angel up and studiously avoided looking at the dried tear tracks on Angel's cheeks. Angel had never been a morning person and now more than ever that was true. The two of them sat in total silence in the kitchen, Angel leafing through the paper, Jerry staring out the window.

Jerry cleared his throat, much the way Evelyn would to break the silence. Angel glanced up at him.

"Jack called last night before he got on the bus Angel. He'll be here later this morning."

Angel nodded and stared down at the sports section of the paper. Jerry sighed then plowed on.

"Bobby should be here any minute. I'm gonna go to get Jack from the terminal once Bobby gets here"

Angel nodded again, and then stood up to grab more coffee. "You think they're gonna be alright alone together?" he said without really looking at Jerry.

Jerry gazed into his coffee mug. "I hope so man. I really do" Angel smiled a bit.

"There's always hope Jerry" Jerry smiled then for the first time since he'd been asked to come i.d Ma's body. "Oh man, that was deep"

"Shut the fuck up!" Angel yelled as he walked to the living room. Jerry grinned again. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Bobby pulled into the driveway, glancing up at the house. "At least some things stay the same" he muttered as he pulled his coat tighter around himself.

He walked up the stairs, pausing with his hand still on the rail, the memories flooding over him. He gave a half smile then walked through the door. Jerry greeted him whole heartedly, hugs and all. Angel punched him in the shoulder, then gripped him hard in a hug. Bobby sat down on the couch and closed his eyes. Home.

Jack sat on the bus depot bench with his legs sticking straight out, his head resting against the back board. He was too tired to keep his eyes open. Jerry had said he'd be there around 11 and it was 10:30 now. 'Might as well get some rest' he thought sleepily. Before he knew it, Jerry was shaking him awake. His face lit up as Jerry grabbed him into a firm hug.

"How you been Cracker Jack? It's been too long". Jack smiled as his eyes went blurry.

"I'm good Jerry, I swear. How you holding up man?" Jerry looked down, his smile dimmed a bit.

Jack instantly regretted his words. 'Fuck, I never get shit like this right.' He thought miserably.

"I ain't gonna lie Jackie. It's been rough. I walk in there and I just keep expecting to see her, standing in the kitchen, telling me to take my boots off." Jerry said, his eyes haunted.

Jack nodded, tears thick in his throat.

"Well let's get going then…Angel and Bobby are already at the house. The girls will be by tomorrow after the funeral. And Sofi and Camille should both be there. And" Jerry trailed off as he looked at Jack's suddenly pale face. "Fuck" he swore softly.

"Come off it Jackie, you knew Bobby was gonna be there. Look I don't know what the fuck happened between you two, but get it together man. If not for yourself, then for Ma." Jerry said, his teeth clenched, completely prepared for a snappy comment from Jack.

He unclenched his teeth as he watched Jack grow paler except for two bright spots in his cheeks. 'Oh this is not good' he thought worriedly. "Jack. Jack! Wake up man!"

Jack shook his head and snapped out of the trance he'd been in. "Sorry, I just…drifted."

Jerry took a deep breath. "Let's just go Jack. You deal with Bobby on your terms, got it?"

Jack nodded, and started walking towards the car. He sat in the seat with his face close to the window like always. He traced patterns in the fog on the window, singing softly to himself. Jerry sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day and started the car. Jack seemed to be a million miles away. And for once, Jerry was glad cause the last thing he wanted to deal with was Jack's emotional state. Immediately he felt a deep shame for resenting the fact that he had to tread carefully with Jack. They always had. He was strong in his own way, sure. But when it came down to violence, and anger, Jack was the emotionally unbalanced one. He ran; hide from whatever was bothering him, retreating to a small shell inside his mind.

'Easy there Jeremiah' he heard his mother say in his head. 'You've got no right to judge him. You just mind your problems and he'll mind his'. Jerry felt a hot flush sweep over him and he mumbled a quick apology to her.

They pulled into the driveway much faster than Jack had thought it would take them. He grabbed his bag and tossed it over his shoulder.

"I should have come back Jerry" he said quietly. Jerry gave a quick nod.

"No point in dwelling on it Jackie" He ushered him inside. Jack could hear Angel arguing with Sofi, the television blaring. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He could almost see the setting two years ago. He blinked back sudden tears.

'One foot in front of the other' he reminded himself.

He made it to his room without seeing Bobby. Jack stared at his old room and gave a quick grin. It was the exact same as the last time he'd been here. He threw his bag on the bed and poked through the drawers and the closet to see if anything was missing. It was all still there. He smirked as he found his journals and sketchbooks in one drawer, ratty from years of thumbing through them. He lay back on his bed, hair fanning out as he reread the things he had written at the age of 14. He felt so old and used at that exact moment.

He searched for his photo album. It was the one thing that had really mattered that he'd left behind. In his rush to leave, he'd overlooked it. Now he poured through it, laughing at the memories it gave him. The birthdays, Christmas's, and even Easter. Evelyn always swore that you were never too old to celebrate Easter.

Jack smiled as he saw the many, many pictures of Angel, Jerry and Bobby wrestling in the living room, dining room, bathroom, even the back yard. They'd been so physical at first, that Jack had been petrified to go near them. Eventually he learned that they weren't going to actually hurt him, that play fighting didn't have to end with broken ribs, or limbs.

He flipped through the pictures till he found the one that meant the most. The picture of him hugging Bobby during his 16th birthday. The year that Bobby had given him the chain around his neck. From the camera's angle, you could see the embarrassed but happy grin on Bobby's face, and the knowing look on Evelyn's. Jack wondered about the look on her face as he lit yet another cigarette. He breathed out the smoke and held the picture closer to his face. This picture was leaving with him, he decided.

He sat up and tucked it into his bag. He sniffed himself. Blugh. 'I need a shower bad' he thought. He grabbed a towel in his way to the bathroom and ran the water. He pitched his smoke expertly out the window and closed the door.

'Not that closing it helps much around here' he laughed to himself. He could vividly remember how often two or more of the boys would be in the washroom at the same time. It was just the way things went.

He stood under the spray for awhile, letting the hot water soothe his back. Finally when the water began to cool, he washed himself quickly and hopped out to dry off. He had his towel wrapped around his waist as he dried his hair. He stood in front of the mirror, then turned around to check his back. He'd been considering getting another tattoo lately. Now he had the perfect design in mind.

With that thought, he bent over to rub his legs dry. Just as he bent over to dry them, the door opened. Jack heard a gasp and he smirked to himself.

"Serves you right for not knocking" he called out. When he heard no answer, he half turned. Bobby stood in the doorway, forgotten newspaper in one hand as he stared at Jack. Jack felt his heart go into overtime.

In that moment, the past threw itself at him and he gasped as the memory of Bobby's confession hit him full force. Bobby stared at Jack, unable to tear his eyes from him. The water dripping down his body, the wild designs on his body. He felt his hands moving away from him and towards Jack. Jack stood stock still as Bobby moved towards him.

He started to breathe in tiny panicked gasps. Bobby's hand touched Jack's cheek. Jack's eyes were wide with fear and desire. He closed his eyes and felt himself nuzzle against Bobby's hand. It'd been so long, oh how he had missed the warmth that radiated off Bobby. That rough calloused hand scraping against his cheek sent shivers through him.

"Jack" Bobby said his voice raspy with desire.

Jack's eyes shot open. The spell was broken and Jack jerked backwards from Bobby with a startled shout. His mouth opened and closed, and he could feel the sadness coming off Bobby in waves. He made a blind grab for his towel and ran for his room.

Bobby stumbled back against the bathroom wall, his hands shaking with anger, desire, and the urge to scream was nearly overtaking him. 'What the fuck came over me?'

One moment he'd been ready to go take a shit and the next thing he knew, Jack had been bent over, drying his legs, his perfectly rounded butt pointing right at him. He'd been in a daze, unable to stop himself as he'd moved towards Jack. "Oh god, what do I do now?" he groaned.

Jack stood in the middle of his room, angrily fixing his hair. 'Why do I let him affect me like that?' he thought while wiping the excess mousse off his fingers.

'I've been just fuckin' fine the past two years and…and…fuck!' he shouted mentally. He sat down on his bed, closing his eyes in frustration. He couldn't bring himself to explain to Bobby why he had reacted in that particular way two years. Shit, even he barely understood it. All he knew was that he was scared shitless of what was happening between the two of them.

He groaned then as he remembered Bobby's words. 'Nobody else is ever gonna love you like I do Jack'. He wanted to believe that so bad. Jack sat up as he heard Angel holler up the stairs that lunch was ready. His hands trembling, Jack forced himself off the bed and down the stairs.

Bobby was already sitting at the table when Jack reached the kitchen. He kept his eyes on the floor as he grabbed his sandwich and soup from the counter. Jack made no eye contact with any of his brothers.

Jerry watched Bobby sneak pleading glances at Jack's bent head. Angel ate his sandwich in four big bites before leaving the kitchen. The tension in the air was thick and heavy. Jerry sighed and looked at Jack. Jack stirred his soup listlessly, only eating about half a sandwich. Bobby ate quickly also, suddenly desperate to get out of the room. Once he left, Jack raised his head a little and caught Jerry's eye. Jerry stared at him, waiting for an answer. Jack shook his head and propped his head up on his arm.

"Look Jackie, this has got to stop. We're family man. More than that, we're the Mercer brothers; we stick together through thick and thin. You think Ma would be happy to see the two of you avoiding each other?" Jerry said.

Jack frowned. "You don't know the half of it Jerry."

"If there was ever a time that we needed to be tight, it's now. Ma's gone Jack, and we're all we got now." Jerry's voice had gone hard now, his anger and pain lacing through.

Jack made a strangled sound as he pushed his chair back, scraping the floor.

"I'm sorry Jerry. I thought I could do this. I thought I could handle it." He mumbled as he backed away from the kitchen.

He headed for the stairs, leaving Jerry to wonder how the hell he was gonna pull those two back together. He went to sit with Angel and zone out for awhile.

The funeral was far more difficult for them than they expected. Jack had stood up and given a short speech about how Evelyn Mercer had saved him and made him feel worthwhile. And loved. There had been several speeches about Evelyn's dedication to helping the less fortunate, to giving deserving children a safe and loving home. Bobby had blinked back bitter tears, so many conflicting emotions running through him. Jack sat near him, but he might as well have been on the opposite side of the cemetery. Jack had never outwardly ignored him like this. The silence hurt worse than any sharp words could have.

They headed back to the house with heavy hearts.

Bobby moved though the house like a ghost. He drifted from room to room, finally ending up in Evelyn's bedroom. The scent of her perfume lingered in the air. He touched the silver hairbrush on her bureau, paused at each of the many photos. He smiled sadly as he passed into the small side bathroom that she had claimed as her own. Here, he broke down finally, letting his suppressed tears fall as he tried to suppress the sound.

Feeling drained, he stumbled upstairs into the first bedroom he saw. Jack was sitting on his bed, idly playing with his guitar, plucking a string every now and then. Jack looked up when Bobby wobbled into the room with a panicked look on his face. Bobby stared at Jack, then sighed.

"Look, Jack, I'm not gonna do anything. I promise. I won't even…touch you or anything…" he mumbled before trailing off.

Jack watched Bobby's face a moment, then nodded, not trusting his voice. Bobby sat down on the edge of the bed and laced his fingers behind his head, half crouching.

"I couldn't stay downstairs, I tried man. I swear I did. All I could smell was her and…" he broke off, sighing.

Jack sat quietly, strumming a soft tune, plucking the strings while listening to Bobby. After a while of sitting hunched over, he stretched, watching to see if it upset Jack, then he crawled up the bed and lay down on his side. He'd never felt more empty or alone than he did at that moment. Jack hummed along in time to his tune.

Bobby turned to look at him. "What song is that?"

Jack shrugged, a light blush staining his cheeks. Bobby listened carefully to the tune, straining to remember the lyrics. He vaguely remembered hearing it somewhere before, back in the mid-nineties. Jack stopped humming for a moment only to start singing along softly.

"And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky, I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry. The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.  
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of the highest power. In lonely hours the tears devour you."

Bobby sighed at the lyrics. A small feeling of peace stole over him. His eyelids drooped a bit as the strain from the past few days caught up with him. He fell asleep then, lying a careful distance away from Jack, feeling comforted none the less. Jack continued to hum long after Bobby fell asleep. This song had been one of Ma's favorites and he'd made it a point to learn how to play it on the guitar for her. She'd been so pleased. He smiled and put the guitar down. He turned on his side and let the tears fall now that he'd been struggling to keep in all day. This night, neither had any nightmares.

In the morning, Bobby awoke first and realized that he was still in Jack's bed. He leaned forward a bit and watched Jack breathe. Jack snuffled a little in his sleep and Bobby smiled at that. In sleep, he seemed so much younger. 'And far too thin', his lips thinned a little at that. He shifted his way out of bed, easing his way out so as not to wake up Jack.

Jack made a throaty sound in his sleep, drawing Bobby's eyes over to his body. He stretched and as the sheet pulled off his body, it took his shirt up higher on his stomach. Bobby's eyes were stuck on the exposed skin. His palms suddenly moist, heart racing he took a step back to the bed. Jack sighed again, and twitched his legs. Now all Bobby could see was Jack's reaction to the morning. He grinned, remembering the days of pointless hard-ons. Of waking up hard every morning. And of how Ma never said a word, but always included extra sheets each week with his regular laundry. Just remembering it made his face burn with embarrassment. His hand started to move towards Jack's long body. He trembled with the urge to touch Jack.

As he took another step towards Jack, his eyes opened slightly. Bobby leapt backwards. Jack stared at him, with a confused look in his eyes.

"Bobby?" he asked his voice husky with sleep. Bobby blushed and started mumbling about Jack needing to get his butt out of bed for breakfast.

Jack nodded and let his head drop back down. Bobby all but ran out of the bedroom and stood with his back against the bathroom door. He'd not been so turned on so many times in the span of a day since the last time he'd seen Jack swimming at the outdoor public pool. He jumped in the shower, letting the hot water soak away his full body sweat. He fisted himself fiercely as he leaned back against the cool tiles. His cock in hand, he closed his eyes and pictured Jack touching himself the way he would have at that age, waking up with an erection that just begged to be touched. He shuddered, his whole body trembling as he came.

He leaned his head against the tile, gasping. Right then, Angel came bursting through the bathroom door. Bobby poked his still flushed face out the side of the curtain and yelled at him to get the fuck out. Angel smirked and sat on the toilet. Bobby grumbled under his breath and finished his shower.

Each day seemed to just flow through to the next. Jack and Bobby seemed to have reached a tentative peace, and they were finally making some headway on getting to Victor Sweet. The argument with Jerry was breaking the fragile peace in the home. Each brother struggled with their emotions, though it only seemed visible on Jack's face.

No one ever saw the way Bobby would crawl into Jack's bed each night long after Jack himself had fallen asleep. It was the only way he could sleep without his horrifying nightmares.

The shootout took them by surprise, partly because they hadn't expected Sweet to send his goons out in broad daylight. Jack took a shot to his upper shoulder after being lured outside. Bobby's protective instincts had been tweaked all day, and he hadn't strayed far from Jack's side since waking up that morning.

Jack had crawled behind the low brick wall while the boys took out their enemies. Jack had passed out soon afterwards. He awoke briefly to see Bobby hovering over him repeating "Don't you fuckin' die on me, you little fairy…don't you fuckin' dare" Jack had given a small slip of a smile and gone under again.

The hospital bought their extremely thin story about Jack's wound being a gang fight gone wrong. They were too busy to be all that concerned and frankly, Bobby was being a nuisance to the nurses as they patched up Jack.

He'd been lucky, they said. The bullet had gone right through his shoulder. With a few choice words about what lucky meant to him, Bobby was then escorted outside by security, the other brothers and Jack not far behind.

The vengeance continued. Bobby hid Jack from Sweet's men with Sofi. Then they continued to wreak their justice. Jack had complained at first, saying that he was fine and that he wanted to help. Bobby had flat out refused. Angel and Jerry had no opinion, they weren't about to get involved with that argument.

Jack had given in finally and the men left the house to find Sweet. Hours later, they returned, Bobby covered in bruises, especially his knuckles. Sofi had scolded them for putting themselves in danger, while Jack had hovered silently in the background. That night, Bobby headed upstairs to Jack's room. He could hear the guitar again. He smiled. They would work this out.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Most Bitter Pill pt3

Author: veiledndarkness

Rating: Hard R

Summary: Jealously can make things far more complicated and it's always a bitter pill to swallow.

Jack awoke the next morning with a start as he shook himself out of yet another nightmare. He let out a shuddery breath, his heart still racing. He lifted one shaky hand to his head, running his fingers through sweat soaked hair. That one had by far been the worst. He took several deep breaths, and attempted to get his body under control.

Jack sat up carefully with his back to the headboard. He fumbled for his smokes, nerves still badly shot. His still sensitive shoulder throbbed in protest to his movements. He ignored the pain as he lit the smoke then carefully took a long pull from his cigarette. He closed his eyes as he rested, pulling his knees up after a moment. He glanced over at Bobby who was still deeply asleep.

Jack knew that Bobby waited till he fell asleep each night before he would crawl in. He sighed as he realized that Bobby was just as frightened as he was, unsure of what move to make next. Sure they weren't ignoring each other, or yelling, but the distance between them was tearing small holes in Jack's heart.

Jack crept out of bed quickly, hopping from toe to toe at the touch of the cold hardwood. He yanked on a pair of jeans and snagged a sweater from his bag. Just as he was about to open the bedroom door, he heard Bobby's sleepy voice call out to him.

"How is that you can get out of bed without making a sound?"

Jack stared at his feet for a moment, choosing his next words carefully.

"Lots of practice, I guess" he said flatly. Bobby winced. "Right"

Then he added, "Where you going?" Jack finally looked up Bobby. "Outside."

Bobby nodded and made to sit up. Jack waited for Bobby to get dressed. He studied the grain of the hardwood, avoiding looking at Bobby as he dressed. They headed downstairs with barely a word between them. Jerry had gone back home yesterday, saying it was high time he got back to his kids. Angel was over at Sofi's again and for that Bobby was glad. That girl annoyed the shit out of him. Always screeching and whining about something. For now, it was just the two of them. The house had never seemed so big and empty.

Jack headed out to the front yard, frowning. The cold air caused his shoulder to throb in memory. He could still see the blood in his mind as it had poured from him. Remembered that frightened look in Bobby's eyes as he'd pushed down with both hands on the gunshot wound. He could remember screaming for Bobby, begging for help. He shifted on his feet uneasily as the sounds of gunfire echoed in his ears. Bobby stood next to him, hawk eyes watching his movements.

Jack turned his head to face Bobby. "I'm fine. You don't have to watch over me like I'm going to shatter or something"

Bobby huffed impatiently. "Why are you getting' so bent out of shape over having someone care about you?"

Jack looked off into the distance before answering. "It's been a long time since someone did" he said.

"What the fuck are you sayin' Jackie? You think Ma didn't care? Or Angel or Jerry? And what about me? You really think I don't give a shit? You don't know how fuckin' far off you are right now!" Bobby said, his voice rising alongside his temper.

Jack closed his eyes and counted to ten in his head. Through gritted teeth he said "I meant since I left, Bobby". Bobby groaned under his breath.

'Oh bravo, Bobby. Good one'. Bobby kicked at the ground with one shoe, then crossed his arms. "Sorry" he muttered.

"Listen, I got some stuff to do and uh, I'll be back later tonight." Bobby added, after a moment. Jack heard the unasked question. 'Will you be here when I get back?'

Jack nodded quickly and started walking. Bobby watched him walk away with a heavy weight on his shoulders. He'd just lied to Jack and all he felt was a small stab of guilt to his stomach. He didn't have anything to do really, he jut needed to think. He gave a sad grin as he started up his car. He always did his best thinking while drinking.

Jack wandered around the neighborhood for an hour or so. He smiled at the kids playing in the streets, at the sight of the young boys wrestling. He missed that carefree, youthful feeling. A new thought stopped him cold. 'Before Ma, when was I ever carefree?' He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and kept going.

The morning bled into the middle of the day. Jack had wandered till he found a bus going downtown. He ended up in front of a well known tattoo parlor. He smiled to himself as he went through the door, the chimes chirping lightly. So this was where he'd been headed. Ever since he was a young teen, he'd tune out and just let his body take him wherever he needed to go.

The guy behind the counter looked Jack over slowly. "Whatcha lookin' for kiddo?"

Jack frowned. "I got a new design in mind. You free?"

The guy nodded slowly. "Show me what you got"

After a few minutes debating the color, Jack was stripped to the waist and stretched over the tattoo chair. He clenched his teeth hard as he felt the needle start to dig. The first touch of the needle was the worst for him. Soon after, the pain melted into pleasure. Jack gave a hazy smile as the buzzing went straight to his groin. His endorphins flowing, he felt himself grow harder, lightly thrusting against the chair. The guy stopped. Jack gave a tiny moan of disappointment.

"Can't do the tat, if you don't hold still boyo" he said with a touch of laughter to his voice.

Jack flushed deeply as he realized how obvious he'd been as he'd humped away on the chair. "Sorry," he mumbled.

The guy continued with a smirk as Jack held perfectly still. He was almost afraid to move now, lest the guy think that he was getting off again.

Near the two hour mark, the guy announced that he'd finished. Jack stretched the kinks out of his neck as the guy disposed of the needles. Jack looked in the mirror. Perfect. The guy taped a small piece of protective covering over the new tattoo. As Jack walked up to the cash register, the guy stopped him. He didn't like the look in the guy's eyes. Jack tried to pull his arm free, but the guy held tight.

"Where you goin' in sucha hurry Baby? I bet you still got a mean hard on, don't ya" the guy said, leering at him.

Jack felt sick to his stomach. Oh good god not this. He started to really yank on his arm, small whimpers coming out of the side of his mouth.

The guy leaned close to his ear "I tell you what. You do me a favor, and I'll let you have this one free." Jack shuddered.

No fucking way he would blow this fat, sweaty fuck. With a sudden jolt of desperation, he yanked as hard as he could, finally pulling his arm loose. He punched the guy square in the face, curling his fist the way Bobby taught him. The guy howled in pain and fury.

Jack grabbed two twenties from his pocket and threw them on the counter. He was gone by the time the guy wiped some of the blood off his face. He sighed to himself. That boy had such a pretty mouth; he mourned the lost chance to feel it.

Jack ran for a few minutes before turning into a deserted alleyway. He rested his hands on his legs, gasping for breath. The shame would hit later but for now, all he felt was anger and disgust. Shit, his back hurt! The running had ripped the tape loose. He flattened it as best he could before heading for the bus again. Later, he reflected that forty bucks was probably too little. 'Fucker deserved it' he thought with a snort.

While Jack was riding the bus home in the mid-afternoon, Bobby was sitting in a club, waiting for happy hour to start.

Bobby had spent the better part of the day aimlessly driving around the city. At 4pm, he found a seedy looking bar that catered to his needs. He wanted to drown his emotions so badly at that moment. He worked on one beer after another, drifting happily on his buzz.

He let his thoughts wander to Jack, then to Ma, silently asking for her help. He didn't know what to do, and he wanted to make things right. Clearly Jack didn't think that Bobby truly loved him.

'So how do I prove it?' He mused to himself. He ordered another round of beer from the floozy waitress. She brought over a pitcher and said "Here, this'll make it faster Hun."

Bobby had smirked and thanked her in false politeness. She rolled her eyes and bounced away. Somewhere around the sixth beer, another sad sack had started pumping quarters into the jukebox. It groaned to life and wheezed out one mournful song after another.

Bobby leaned back in the booth, his head lolling on the seat as the music played on. One song merged into the next until one caught his ear. Another of Ma's favorite singers, Phil Collins, he thought blearily. He laughed a bit as he marveled at the fact that he could clearly remember that. The music continued as he perked his ears to listen more carefully.

"How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace?

When I stand here taking every breath with you

Ooh, you're the only one who really knew me at all."

He closed his eyes as the lyrics brought about the very feelings he was currently trying to drown. As sappy as the song was, Bobby was drawn into it. Jack had been the only brother who had ever seen more of the private him than the others.

"How can you just walk away from me when all I can do is watch you leave'

'cos we shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears. You're the only one who really knew me at all. So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face.

Oh take a look at me now, there's just an empty space .And you coming back to me is against the odds, and that's what I've got to face."

Bobby sighed as the memories assaulted him. The first most painful six months of his self-imposed exile. It had been worse than when he'd done time in jail. At least he'd had an obvious reason to have been there. Hell, even now he still wasn't sure why both of them had left.

'No, wait. Scratch that thought.' He knew exactly why he'd left. Jack had run scared and Bobby had left because everything about Jack had filled his senses. No matter where he went in the house that night, albeit drunkenly veering across the floor, he'd seen, smelled, and heard Jack. He had felt his presence everywhere in that place, so he'd ran, just as fast as Jack had.

He wondered exactly what he would have to do to convince Jack that they belonged together. He sighed in disgust as he realized how soppy his own inner voice sounded.

"I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry.

There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why.

You're the only one who really knew me at all."

Bobby felt his eyes burn. 'I gotta get out of here, man. This song's killing me.'

He dropped several bills on the table, then weaved his way across the room. He stood in the sharp, cold wind, taking deep gulps of air. His mind a bit clearer, he wandered around the streets in the early evening. He tried to walk without wobbling; it was quite the uphill battle. The last thing he wanted was to get tagged by some rookie green cop.

He stopped every few minutes and leaned against the brick walls of the storefronts. After three hours of walking in circles, he made his way back to his car. His mind felt clearer now than it had in days. Sure, enough an afternoon of drinking helped him to think straight. He chuckled to himself as he listened to the engine turn over. Somehow he didn't think any normal doctor would prescribe Bobby Mercer's surefire cure for confusion.

Jack lay in bed, half asleep on his stomach when he heard the sound of Bobby's old car pull into the driveway. He yawned then as his eyelids fluttered closed. He felt so wrung out from the tension over the past week. He gave a sleepy smile as he heard Bobby curse at the door, struggling to get his key in properly. After a few moments of silence, Jack heard the sound of feet on the stairs. Bobby opened Jack's door with a bit too much force.

The bang echoed in the room. Jack lay very still and silent. He wasn't sure how drunk Bobby was but he sure as fuck could smell the booze from here. His past experience with drunken people was not the best. He'd only seen Bobby drunk a handful of times, and each time, he'd been more of a sleepy, silly drunk.

'Or was that just when he was buzzed' Jack thought, his teeth worrying away at his lips.

Bobby stared at the curve of Jack's back on the bed, eyes drawn to the pale strip of skin visible near his jeans. He lifted his eyes higher then and noticed a few drops of blood near the top of his back. His eyes widened. What the fuck? He stormed over to the bed.

Jack froze reflexively. He felt Bobby's hand rest in the middle of his back, right about where his new tattoo was. He relaxed under Bobby's gentle touch. Bobby stroked the skin lightly, his eyes dark with the desire to strip Jack and the urge to hurt whoever had made Jack bleed.

Jack's heart was beating a crazy, fast pattern. He held his breath as he felt Bobby lift his shirt higher. Bobby held his breath when he saw the plastic cover. He traced the edge of the makeshift bandage, softly pulling it away from Jack's skin. Jack held still, waiting to see what Bobby would do next.

After a moment of silence, Bobby made a strangled sound. His fingers returned to Jack's skin, now tracing the design. Jack had gotten medium sized angel wings on his back, grey-white wings with black shaded tips placed directly between his shoulder blades.

Jack turned over abruptly. He met Bobby's eyes and read the question in them.

"Ma saved me from a life of hell. She made me believe in miracles and angels. Ma was my angel. I may still be a fuck up, but she never gave up on me" Bobby nodded.

Jack felt a wave of relief sweep over him. It felt wonderful to have someone completely understand.

Jack rolled onto his side. Bobby pulled his shoes off, tossed his coat on the ground, and climbed into bed. He lay a foot away from Jack, carefully minding the space between them. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. Long agonizing moments later, Jack rolled over to him and whispered goodnight near his ear. Bobby shivered as he hardened almost instantly.

He blushed as he realized that being around Jack made his body act like a teenager again. He struggled in vain not to reach around and pull Jack close to him. Jack had fallen asleep soon after Bobby had crawled into bed. Bobby lay back, listening to Jack breathe. He felt calm now. Sober somehow, and calm.

In the morning, Jack found himself wrapped in Bobby's arms. He started to panic for a moment, until he felt the warmth seeping from him. Jack had never felt more safe or protected then when Bobby held him. He was still very drowsy, and he felt his eyelids drooping closed again. Bobby rubbed his head against Jack's shoulder, nuzzling closely.

They lay in that position for some time, before Jack reluctantly pulled away. He couldn't pretend that everything was ok. He wasn't ready for this. Jack sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the edges of the mattress with tight fingers.

Bobby rolled onto his back with a sigh. His head was spinning...wait, it was the room that was spinning. Bobby always managed to forget about the hangovers that followed his deep thinking sessions. He sat up and groaned as he stretched. Jack looked over at him with a small smile in the corner of his mouth.

"Tylenol?" he asked. Bobby nodded, grimacing at the taste in his mouth.

He watched Jack leave the room, marveling at the wings that moved with Jack's body. He wanted to touch them again, trace them with his tongue. He winced as his eyeballs gave off surges of pain. Jack returned with the Tylenol, then disappeared again.

Bobby made his way to the kitchen. He sat on one of the chairs with his hands over his head. 'So bright in here' he thought. Jack was moving quickly in the kitchen, clearly agitated. Bobby gave a near silent sigh as he watched Jack's hands.

After a quiet breakfast, Jack again disappeared while Bobby showered. Bobby searched the house till he spotted Jack's head in the backyard. He called to him from the door. Jack turned to face Bobby, little tendrils of fear planting themselves in his stomach. He trudged slowly up the stairs, his feet like cement. It was going to happen now, Jack knew.

The talk that they had been putting off.

Bobby paced back and forth in the living room. Jack stood in the doorway.

'Neutral ground' he thought to himself, his stomach doing back flips. One hand made its way to Jack's mouth and he chewed his index finger nail with much agitation.

Bobby turned and faced Jack, taking a deep breath. "I can't keep doin' this Jack. Acting like nothin' happened. We need to fix this and we're gonna do it even if it takes all fuckin' night."

Jack remained silent, his teeth working his nail faster. His eyes were wide and bright as he watched Bobby gesture with his hands.

"Damn it Jack, you have to talk to me! This ain't gonna fix it self y'know." With a disgusted sigh, Bobby sat down angrily.

Jack took one hesitant step towards entering the living room. "I'm not gonna hit you Jackie." Bobby sounded almost disappointed, Jack thought, his heart sinking.

"I know" he mumbled. Bobby looked up at him. "When have I ever hit you Jack? Did I ever punch you so I could hurt you?" Jack shook his head.

"So why are you acting like I'm gonna beat the living shit out of you?" he snapped, pushing a hand through his hair in frustration.

Jack blinked as Bobby's words sunk in a bit. "Sorry" he said, finally pulling his hand away from his mouth. "I just get…nervous sometimes."

Bobby gave a humorless laugh. "I don't know what hurts more Jack. The fact that part of you still thinks that after all this time I'd hit you or the fact that you're scared of being loved. I'd give anything to meet the fucker who put that thought in your head."

Jack's heart skipped a beat at the memory. "Let's just say I had it beat into me" he whispered.

He was startled to hear a low snarl come from Bobby. Bobby was holding one fist to the other, his arms shaking with the urge to break something.

"I know…that Ma loved me. I know that you guys love me…but Bobby, that's just brother love."

Bobby abruptly turned to face Jack. "I can't believe how blind you are sometimes"

Jack flushed an angry red. "I'm not doing this if that's all you got to say". He made a sound of disgust through his teeth and he started to walk through the door.

"Get your ass back in here Jack!" Bobby yelled from the living room. "We ain't finished yet."

Jack gave that same harsh laugh that Bobby remembered from the park two years ago.

"Oh yes, we are. I don't have to listen to you and as matter of fact; I think you're the one that's blind."

Bobby was out of the living room and standing in front of Jack before he could fully blink. Bobby got right up into Jack's face and spoke with a soft, deadly calm that sent chills up Jack's spine.

"I know what you're doing Jack. You think that if you start a fight, I'll back off, and you can run away again. Well guess again, my little fairy, you can say every hurtful thing you can think of, and I'll still be here. You can hit me, throw something at me, scream your lungs out, and we're still gonna finish this tonight."

Bobby backed up and watched Jack's face for a reaction. Within seconds Jack's face crumpled and he twisted away from Bobby.

"Why can't you just let me be? So what if I don't want to face this right now?" he said between shuddery breaths. He gathered his courage, forcefully told himself to be strong.

Bobby stared at Jack's hunched form in the kitchen in disbelief.

"Jack, I won't back down. I've never backed down from anything. I'm sure as fuck not gonna start now" he said quietly. Jack's shoulders twitched. The wings seemed to move on their own.

Jack turned around to face Bobby.

"What do you want from me? My apology for not being able to handle your confession? Well, fuck that. If anything you should apologize to me for chasing off yet another boyfriend!" Jack spat at him.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Bobby said, his eyes flashing. Jack ignored the warning in Bobby's eyes. He'd started this; Jack would finish it for them.

"You admitted it Bobby, it's too late to deny it. You chased them all off, and you never told me why till that night! Most of the time it happened behind my back so I wouldn't blame you! They all left, sure enough. And you wonder why I think that I'm not allowed to be loved. Every time I felt anything for a guy, as soon as someone told you, it was over" he snapped.

Bobby felt the anger rolling through him now. His stomach lurched with the urge to shake Jack. He felt the sweat prickle on the back of his neck. 'No, damn it. Control!' he yelled mentally. "I told you why I got rid of them" he said. Jack snorted.

"Ah yes, your confession. You wait till the exact worst moment to tell me that you love me. What did you expect me to say to you Bobby?" Jack shot back, his heart racing.

Bobby glared at him, masking the ripping pain in his chest. 'Fuck, this was snowballing so goddamn fast.'

"I never meant to tell you like that. I was…I wanted to tell you later but you just kept pushin' me Jackie. I wasn't gonna lie to you anymore about that" he said.

Jack rolled his eyes and sighed. Bobby felt the urge to smack that dirty look right off his face.

"Jack, I told you. Causing a fight isn't gonna get you out of this."

Jack made a bored sound and looked around the room.

"You little brat." Bobby said with a flare of temper. "It never worked with Ma, don't even try it with me."

Jack looked at his feet then, slightly embarrassed that he'd been so transparent.

Bobby stood in the kitchen with his arms crossed. Jack stood, propped against the wall, fiddling with his thumbs that were wrapped up in his long sleeve shirt. They spent a moment in complete silence.

Finally Bobby faced Jack and started. "Look, Jack, I know that you're scared. I know that I scared you the last time we were alone together. And I'm sorry; I never meant to hurt you."

Jack stared at his thumbs. "You don't understand Bobby" he whispered. Bobby sighed.

"What wouldn't I understand? You can't just avoid this…I'm not gonna just let you walk away again. That was a mistake I made before, it ain't gonna happen again. I love you too much to just let you leave."

Jack looked at a point over Bobby's shoulder. "You don't want me Bobby. You just think you do" Jack sniffed suddenly.

Bobby growled as he stalked over to Jack. "You can say whatever the fuck you want, Jackie. I'm not changing my mind. There's nothing you could tell me that would make me turn my back on you".

Jack glared moodily at his hands. "Why did you push them all away so much?"

Bobby smiled then, a grim, lopsided grin. "You don't know?"

Jack shook his head no. Bobby sighed. "I was jealous, Jack. I wanted you all for myself."

Jack's head shot up. With a small, sad smile, Bobby nodded. "I was so in love with you, I could hardly breathe. And every time I saw you with someone else, fuck…I felt like I was dying. I was too scared to tell you"

"And how do you feel now?" Jack held his breath as he waited for Bobby's answer.

"You really have to ask? Sweetheart, if I didn't love you so much, I would have given up a long time ago." Jack laughed softly as he realized how stupid they both had been.

They stared at each other as the realization dawned over them. "Do you think Ma knew?" Jack asked.

"I think she always knew, Jack." Bobby said.

He leaned his forehead against Jack's bowed head. Jack's heart started to slow down. His eyes blurred with unshed tears. They leaned into each other, absorbing the strength and warmth each provided. Jack's shoulders were shaking lightly with the urge to run. He still felt the pull to run away and hide.

Jack broke the silence a moment later. "Why do you love me?" he asked, looking deep into Bobby's eyes.

Bobby smiled and let his love shine through for a moment. "This is gonna sound real sappy Jack, but I've always loved you. The first time that you walked through our door, all scared and nervous; I just wanted to scoop you up and keep you safe. I love everything about you; I love you even when you're being a total brat."

"I'm sorry about the way you found out, but I'm not sorry that I told you." Bobby said as he suddenly hugged Jack hard, leaving him gasping for air.

He released Jack then, and they looked at each other. Jack dropped his eyes.

"I'm sorry I ran. It scares the shit out of me, the idea that you could love someone like me." Bobby gave another frustrated sigh.

"There's nobody else that I could possibly want the way I want you" he said. Jack ran his hands through Bobby's hair, mussing it gently. Bobby made a throaty groan as he felt Jack's long fingers slide along his scalp.

Bobby pulled back a bit and gazed at Jack. Jack closed his eyes as he leaned forward. Bobby met his lips with a small moan.

'Finally!' his mind screamed. The kiss sent tingling sparkles of arousal through the both of them. Jack felt it all the way down to his toes. The kiss deepened, their mouths parting slowly, tongues meeting, hesitantly at first, then bolder after a moment. Jack pulled back, his arms still loosely wrapped around Bobby's waist.

Bobby placed small, soft kisses on Jack's throat, Jack trembling with desire at the feather light touches ghosting over his sensitive neck. Bobby moaned as Jack's hand snuck between their bodies and pulled him closer. Jack panted as they bumped against each other through their jeans. He made a tiny whine when Bobby pulled back a second to adjust himself.

With rapid snaps of their hips, they ground against each other. Jack was frantically pleading, begging Bobby not to stop. Bobby groaned as he felt his body tightening. His hips jerked faster as he moved against Jack. Jack cried out as he came, hot, hard and fast. Bobby followed close behind, chuckling as he pulsed.

"There's something about you Jackie, that makes me feel like a teenager." Bobby said between gasps. Jack smiled as he licked the sweat off Bobby's temple.

"It's a gift" he said simply. Bobby laughed as he pulled away.

"Don't go gettin' full of yourself" he chided gently. Jack grinned as he went to the fridge and pulled out a carton of juice.

Later that day, the two of them lay in bed, wrapped around each other, both hazy from pleasure and exhaustion. Bobby nuzzled his head into Jack's neck for the second time that day.

He paused, then asked Jack to turn over. Jack rolled over and gave him an inquiring glance.

"What is it Bobby?" he asked softly. Bobby hesitated, then plowed ahead.

"Do…do you love me? You didn't mention it downstairs and I just was wondering…" he trailed off.

A look of understanding dawned in Jack's eyes. He smiled at Bobby and kissed him sweetly.

"Of course I do Bobby. That's kinda why I was so upset when you told me that you loved me. I thought you were just saying it. I was too scared to believe that you loved me as much I love you".

Bobby smirked then and he gripped Jack hard.

"Don't we sound like a pair of old, romantic fools?" Jack laughed.

"I don't mind" he said.

Later that night, when Jerry stopped by to make sure that Bobby and Jack hadn't killed each other, he'd found them wrapped tightly around each other, deeply asleep. He smiled then.

'It's about fuckin' time' he thought as he turned to leave.


End file.
